Music Monday: Going Through the Motions

Music Monday!

Music can be a great source of comfort and inspiration when you’re feeling down.

Today’s song is: “Going Through the Motions” from Once More With Feeling, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode.

Listen to the song here:

Lyrics:

“Every single night, the same arrangement,
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.

I’ve been making shows of trading blows,
Just hoping no one knows,
That I’ve been going through the motions,
Walking though the part,
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.

I was always brave and kind of righteous,
Now I find I’m wavering.
Crawl out of your grave, you find this fight
Just doesn’t mean a thing

(Henchman) She ain’t got that swing.

(Buffy) -pause- Thanks for noticing.

(Demon & Henchmen) She is pretty well with fiends from Hell
But lately we can tell
That she’s just going through the motions
Faking it somehow.

(Demon) She’s not even half the girl she…owww!

(Buffy) Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life’s endeavor?

(Handsome Young Man) How can I repay…?

(Buffy) Whatever!
I don’t want to be
Going through the motions,
Losing all my drive.
I can’t even see,
If this is really me,
And I just wanna be alive.”

Why this song’s so cool:  At this point in Buffy’s story line, Buffy is really struggling to readjust to ‘normalcy,’ cause… you know… she DIED.  Also, when she was dead, she was in some version of heaven.  Her friends brought her back to life because they thought she was trapped in a horrible hell dimension, but in all actuality, she was safe and at peace. It’s just a very fun song that packs an emotional punch.  It’s a great way to visualize the feelings of depression as something more tangible, even if it is fantasy-based.

Why this song’s helpful: Buffy’s feelings are so applicable to someone struggling with depression.
Season six is probably Buffy’s darkest season.  And this makes her especially relevant for those struggling with depression.  Buffy doesn’t enjoy the things she used to, she struggles accomplishing basic, everyday tasks, no one understands why she is so sad and changed and her friends want her to just get over it already.  She feels lost, alone, guilty, worthless, helpless, empty, directionless: THESE ARE LITERALLY SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION.  She doesn’t know who she is anymore, and that is what depression feels like.

About the musical episode:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0533466/

The Buffy wiki page:

http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/Once_More,_with_Feeling

Ella Enchanted and Being an Ordinary Hero

One of my ultimate favorite fantasy books as a child, and still today, is the reworked fairy tale, “Ella Enchanted” by Gail Carson Levine.  It retells the classic literary fairy tale of Cinderella with some new twists: Ella is, in fact, under a fairy’s gift (curse) to always be obedient.  The tale is a familiar one, but provides more depth and detail about the protagonist and her own journey to discover herself and break the curse herself.  In addition, it answers that question that was always infuriating to me about the size of Cinderella’s feet – surely there was more than one girl in the kingdom whose feet could fit the glass slipper!  Well, in this story, Ella has fairy ancestry, and fairies have significantly smaller-than-average sized feet, so THERE!  Levine’s attention to details such as these really grounded the story and made it more believable to me – it was definitely logical and made sense within the framework she created and expanded upon. While it certainly shares many patterns and characteristics with both more traditional fairy tales as well as reworked fairy tales, this is by far my favorite retelling of Cinderella.  I like that it addresses the real-life issues of the importance of being strong by making your own decisions, standing up for what you believe in, and the worth of sacrifice in relation to love and the protection of those you love.

“Ella Enchanted” provides a universe that is similar to one children have already experienced, but includes a great deal more in the way of explanations, possibilities and self-driven opportunity.  It is a great example of a way to challenge a reader to see beyond more simplistic explanations and search for new perspectives and explanations.  A retold fairy tale is a great example of this, because the concrete universe has already been established, and by telling the same tale from a new perspective, new questions can be unearthed, alternate mindsets discovered, and previously unconsidered horizons can be expanded.  This particular retelling is also consistent with the idea of concepts carrying over from the fantastical worlds to the real ones.  In “Ella Enchanted,” Ella is a real girl with a flaw that she has to work to overcome.  This is certainly a concept that is applicable to many people.  While Ella may not fit the traditional archetype of ‘hero,’ she is still heroic.  She becomes, through her own strength of will, her own knight in shining armor – in the process, saving herself, her prince, and the entire kingdom.  If someone as seemingly average and insignificant as Ella can create such a vast and positive impact, surely this will inspire those who read about her to feel hope and optimism that they, too, can overcome significant challenges and obstacles to create a positive impact on themselves and the world around them.

Fairy tales have been around for a long time.  And with each retelling, they have continued to change and grow ever since their inception.  “Ella Enchanted” is a distinctive example of 21st century fantasy with an alternate world that is still attached to a familiar and long-standing one.  While it may lack the grandeur of Tolkien, or the epic tragedy of Rowling, it is accessible in its realism and its message – one that, while not political or catastrophic, speaks to the more personal internal battles that still must be fought and are no less important than those larger-than-life clashes between good and evil.  “Ella Enchanted” has no evil villain to be abolished or grand quest to be completed.  There are good characters and bad characters, but the main struggle is simply one between a girl and the unwarranted chance restrictions and conditions to which she finds herself bound.  Ella is ordinary, but she is strong.  And it is that kind of inner strength and conviction that is an amazing resource in struggling through such challenges as anxiety, depression, and insomnia.

Read it.  Or else.

(If you were Ella, you’d HAVE to obey me, but as it is, you have the freedom of choosing.)

I’ve had this copy for NINETEEN YEARS! I think it looks pretty good considering how many times I’ve read it!

Music Monday: The Fighter – Gym Class Heroes

Music Monday!

Music can be a great source of comfort and inspiration when you’re feeling down.

Today’s song is: “The Fighter” by Gym Class Heroes

Listen to the song here:

Lyrics:

“Just waking up in the morning
And the be well
Quite honest with ya,
I ain’t really sleep well
Ya ever feel like your train of thought’s been derailed?
That’s when you press on Lee nails
Half the population’s just waitin’ to see me fail
Yeah right, you’re better off trying to freeze hell
Some of us do it for the females
And others do it for the retails

But I do it for the kids, life through the tower head on
Every time you fall it’s only making your chin strong

And I be in the corner like mick, baby, til the end
Or when you hear this song from that big lady
Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do y’all?
Give ’em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life till we’re dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then just say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me
Say to me, this one’s a fighter
And if I can last thirty rounds
There’s no reason you should ever have your head down
Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds
Hailing from rock bottom, Loserville, nothing town
Textbook version of the kid going nowhere fast
And now I’m yelling kiss my a**
It’s gonna take a couple right hooks, a few left jabs
For you to recognize that you really ain’t got it bad
Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do y’all?
Give ’em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we’re dead
Give me scars, give me pain
Then just say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me
Say to me, this one’s a fighter
Everybody put yo hands up
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
Y’all
If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get up)
And when your bones can’t take no more
Just remember what you’re here for
‘Cause I know I’ma damn sure
Give ’em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life till we’re dead
Give me scars, give me pain
Then just say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me
Say to me, this one’s a fighter
Till the referee rings the bell
Till both ya eyes start to swell
Till the crowd goes home
What we gonna do kid?”
Why this song’s so cool:  Catchy and fun to sing along with in any mood, the only part that bothers me is the lyric “And if I can last thirty rounds, there’s no reason you should ever have your head down.”  I get that it’s supposed to be inspirational, but the reality is that everybody’s battle is different and we are all fighting different things.  Just because one person can win a fight against something doesn’t mean another person can do the same – because every situation is different.  Just because I can do one thing, doesn’t mean that you are not a fighter if you can’t do something similar . . .  or even something different.

Why this song’s helpful: A great reminder to keep fighting. And  just a great conceptual idea to think about especially if you are battling something not visible or physical.  Picturing depression as something you can physically punch in the face can help you take steps towards beating it.  It’s  a visualization tool and can be a helpful method when dealing with whatever you may be struggling with.  Just because you can’t see a struggle doesn’t mean that it’s not there – and overlaying a more visible aspect can enable you to find your fighter’s strength and realize that your fight matters.

More about Gym Class Heroes Here:    http://gymclassheroes.com/

Lists of Love: A Poem

Disclaimer: I wrote this many years ago.  But it’s still pretty accurate and truthful.  I like making lists, and it’s important to focus on the positive in life.  

Lists of Love: A Poem

I love dresses.  I love clothes.  I love buttons, pockets, polka dots, and bows.

I love kindness.  I love good-deeding.  I love curling up ANYWHERE and reading.

I love a good story, and I love books.  I love the food makers – bakers, chefs, and cooks.

 

I love learning and I love knowing.  I love a challenge, opportunities, and growing.

I love adventures and trying new things.  I love it when someone who rarely sings, sings.

I love music.  I love my Uke.  I love harmony more than Leia loved Luke.

 

I love fruit and I love flowers.  I love when the best minutes seem to last for hours.

I love nature.  I love trees.  I love it when people know to say thank you and please.

I love people – Their perspectives and quirks. I especially love them when they don’t act like jerks.

 

I love making people laugh – I love it when they smile.  I love big hugs from those I’ve not seen in a while.

I love silly.  I love fun.  I love laughing with my friends in the sun.

I love sunshine.  I love water.  It’s certain that I love you a great deal more than I oughter.

I love oceans deep.  I love the skies above.  I love many, many things, but mostly I just love.

Ode to Sleep

You’ve gone away and left me
I spend each night alone
Just Waiting and awaiting
for you to come back home.

I miss our days together, 
and our nights as well.
Each day I am without you
Is a day akin to hell.

I miss the way you made me feel;
You kept me safe and warm.
And I could conquer any mountain
With you to calm my storm.

You always left me brimming
With the strength to labor on.
The way you clung to me in mornings,
Anchored me past dawn.

You’re no longer here beside me –
I miss your soft caress
I mostly miss your company:
Without you, I’m a mess.

Music Monday: The Middle

Music Monday!

Music can be a great source of comfort and inspiration when you’re feeling down.

Today’s song is: “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World

Listen to the song here:

Lyrics:

“Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.

Hey, you know they’re all the same.
You know you’re doing better on your own (on your own), so don’t buy in.
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough (good enough) for someone else.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet.
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best (just do your best), do everything you can (do everything you can).
And don’t you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright.”

Why this song’s so cool:  I like how it gently reminds you that often what you are feeling is about your own perception. You can’t control what other people do or think about you, but you can control what you do and think about yourself, and that is what is more important anyway.  It’s about having a positive attitude, but not only that, just hanging on until you get to the point where you CAN have a positive attitude, because that day WILL come.   Also, it’s totally okay to be different! Plus it’s got a good beat that is fun to head-bang and angry-sing to.

Why this song’s helpful: It has a simple, supportive and encouraging message that is easy to relate to. It reminds me of that strategy when you’re freaking out about something  and you do the five year rule gauge to ask yourself: “Will it matter in 5 years?”  If the answer is NO, and it usually is, then it’s probably not as important as you thought.


More about the five year gauge:

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/5-year-rule

More about Jimmy Eat World :

http://www.jimmyeatworld.com

Song Facts:

http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=2720

From Wrathroom Bathroom to Bestroom Restroom

My bathroom hath gloom NO MORE!

I gave my bathroom a makeover and I like rhymes.

Your environment has an affect on your overall mood, so if you are often in an environment you find dirty, ugly, uncomfortable or in any other way unpleasant or off-putting, then your mood will definitely be negatively affected!  You can end up feeling grim, nauseated, gross, and downright disgruntled as the yucky environmental factors slowly leech away your precious good mood. Just like in the Sims if there’s a mess everywhere, they are saaaaaad. 🙁 🙁 🙁

So I realized that I hated going in my bathroom.  With a boring shower curtain of questionable age and cleanliness, showertime was dreaded.  There wasn’t anything personal or any art on the walls (as we had removed all this when we were trying to sell the house).  There was accumulated unorganized clutter everywhere – it is a small bathroom with very limited counter space – like NONE at all.  Things were always falling everywhere.  And there was no place to keep towels, which was inconvenient and annoying. The shelf above the toilet was broken and unusable and the toilet itself was an unreliable flusher.  I was uncomfortable because there were no mats or anything on the floor, and my feet were always cold.  I often neglected personal hygiene – I didn’t want to be in there.  But, as a human being, I kind of have to use a bathroom at least some of the time.  And our other bathrooms were unavailable or inconvenient.  TIME FOR A BATHROOM MAAAAAAAKEOVER!!

awwwww… “Happiness looks gorgeous on me!!?” why thank you, dolphin of happiness!!
Self-care is not selfish

I did do some shopping, but mostly the transformation was about cleaning, de-cluttering, and rearranging.  I went to Ross dress for less and got a beautiful new shower curtain and brightly colored floor mat!  The hardware store provided new knobs for the ugly stainless steel ones.  Then I did a LOT of cleaning.  And I had a big box to get rid of full of unused products, redundancies, things I didn’t need to use every day, etc.  I took everything out and started fresh.  I put everyday use items within easy reach.  Pretty things migrated to visible places. While I took a lot of stuff out, I did add some stuff back in.  Since there wasn’t a first aid kit on the little shelf anymore, I had a place to put towels!  I moved in some candles and art and other things that I thought were pretty and brought me joy!  The shelf got fixed, the toilet got fixed, the negative environment got fixed.  And now my bathroom is a cheerful and inspiring place!  Well… about as cheerful and inspiring as a bathroom really can be…

It’s starting to get a little cluttered with use again…

I guess I should go head back in!  I need to view the loo, clean the latrine, make the crapper dapper!  In short, if you need to find me… I guess I’ll just be hanging out in my own personal wiz palace, AKA Wizzingham Manor.

 

It’s just soooo soft and pwetty! https://society6.com/product/really-mermaid-funky_bath-mat#s6-4073467p55a203v508

Fol-De-Rol and Fiddle Dee Dee

The Final Writing Assignment

(For this class anyway…)

FIRST PARAGRAPH:

“Fol-de-rol and fiddle dee dee and fiddley faddley foddle
all the wishes in the world are poppy cock and twoddle.
Fol-de-rol and fiddle dee dee and fiddley faddley foodle
all the dreamers in the world are dizzy in the noodle.”

This is what the sensible people of the world say, according to Cinderella’s fairy godmother in the Rodger’s and Hammerstein’s musical in a song they sing together about Cinderella’s wish to go to the ball.  But together, they discover by the end of the song, that “impossible” can be changed to “it’s possible” with creativity, imagination, hard work, and someone who loves you to help.  Like Cinderella and her fairy godmother, I am learning and exploring how to grant my own wish of forging a career doing what I love: writing, being creative, and helping others.  I don’t yet know what that career will be exactly, but every day I am making choices to steer myself down the path to get there.  And I plan to use every tool and asset I have to help shape my wish out of the supplies I have.  And with a little help, and a little magic, I know I will get to the ball!

SUMMARY:

Turning the impossible to the possible is a process – one that requires many things.  It requires creativity and imagination.  Every day, I am thinking and brainstorming, searching for different ways to achieve my goals.  I am on the lookout for new opportunities to embrace that will keep me moving forward, eyes focused on the path ahead. It requires commitment, dedication and hard work. Sometimes the path is thorny, or blocked by a tree.  I continue to apply my imagination to identify creative and efficient solutions to remove such obstacles.  It requires bravery, and it requires stepping out of your comfort zone.  There is a certain degree of anxiety about the uncertainty of where the path leads, but you can’t turn back. It also requires help and support. Not all of us have a fairy godmother to turn our everyday objects into the perfect materials to achieve our dreams.  But we do have people who love us. Asking for help is scary and hard, but it is something I plan on practicing. Most of all, it requires hope, and I plan on keeping that hope alive, nurturing it, and seeing it bloom and grow into something even more beautiful.

“But the world is full of zanies and fools who don’t believe in sensible rules
and won’t believe what sensible people say..
and because these daft and dewey eyed dopes keep building up impossible
hopes impossible things are happening every day!”

Eating French Toast With a Spoon

Eat French Toast With a Spoon!


It’s silly and different and perhaps inefficient, but sometimes you gotta do it.

Sometimes you don’t have the “right” tools for what you need to accomplish.

It may not fit the standard perception of what you should do, but who cares!?

It’s a new experience that takes creativity and open-mindedness and those are good qualities to embrace and nurture.

So eat french toast with a spoon.  It’s actually not that hard, and it’s kind of fun!


In completely unrelated news,  sometimes all my forks are dirty and I hate doing dishes…


 

Therapy is Great!/Therapy is the Worst!

  • UGH talking to people – YUCK.

Especially about very personal things … crazy hard for a lot of people (including me.)  But, I’ve seen my counselor for many years.  Even when I didn’t feel like it was helping, it helped a little by making me feel like at least I was doing SOMETHING.  It’s very helpful to get the perspective of someone outside the immediate situation.  And explaining details about your life and experiences and feelings helps you solidify and understand yourself more. And it gets you out of the house at least once a week.

+1 to social interaction.