How To Get SH*T Done When Your Cat Is Obsessed With You
YOU CAN’T.
But there are a few strategies you can try.
My cat, Brisco, is totally obsessed with me. He always wants to hang out. He’s constantly following me wherever I go. He never leaves me alone!
If he was a person, he would be a creepy stalker cutting my face out of photographs.
#1 fan in the Emerald Fan Club.
Can’t really blame him – I am pretty awesome. But it does make it difficult to accomplish anything when he is always up in my bidness.
Things that DON’T work:
- Attempting to reason with cat.
- Politely asking cat to respect your alone time.
- Informing cat you think you should see other people/cats.
- Shouting , “God dammit, Brisco you little fucking fuck, stop trying to fucking kill!!”
A loverly compilation of Brisco preventing me from getting stuff done by trying to play board games, refusing to let me put on my shoes, generally just attacking or sitting on the things I need to use, and, of course, chilling in a tambourine (’cause no better place to chill).
So here are my strategies for tricking him into leaving me alone:
- Multitasking
- The main method to getting anything done with Brisco in the room is to always be multitasking and moving. That way, when he comes and gets comfortable on whatever project you’re currently working on, you just move on to the next project! Then you will have at least two minutes of uninterrupted time to work on THAT project before he decides you’re not coming back and comes to sit on the current project!
- However, keep in mind that although it is a benefit to have the projects all near each other for your convenience, it also shortens the amount of time it will take Brisco to find you and attack your next project.
- But I guess if they’re all far apart, you will also get a stellar workout!
- Avoidance
- Wait until said cat is napping or conspicuously absent to partake in his outdoor adventuring time, then go hard on getting as much done as possible before he returns to jump on your project OR your face OR both. Prioritize things that take up a lot of space, take a lot of focus or attention to detail, are delicate/fragile, or involve scissors, paper, or especially ribbons!
- This presents its own set of hazards, especially if you get really into whatever you’re doing and tend to focus so hard you don’t pay attention to your surroundings and what is going on around you. For that is when he shall sneak attack pounce!!!!!! He does love demanding attention.
- Diversion
- This works best for fairly simple or short-term tasks.
- Distract with:
- Food. If he hasn’t eaten a thousand times today. This will be extremely effective in obtaining your alone time, but only for exactly as long as it takes your cat to finish eating.
- Toys. This is most helpful for things where you still have an available hand to use the laser pointer/ribbon/whatever cat toy works best. Great for getting your cat away from the television, the food you’re eating, your book, etc.
- Negative Reinforcement – last resort
- Spray bottles (in cases of emergency) are reliable deterrents.
- I don’t like using the spray bottle too often because he is actually incredibly scared of it and I don’t want to punish him for loving me. 😉 He’s a cat. He’s never going to stop cat-ing. Also, he startles easily, and that combined with the fact that water is water sometimes results in disarray and chaos, especially if the project is involved or intricate in some way.
It really would be quite flattering if it wasn’t so annoying and inconvenient. So I try to focus on the gratefulness and minimize the grrrr arrgghh. He is pretty cute I guess….
I guess the benefits mostly outweigh the drawbacks…… (both of which you can read in this other post I wrote!
⇑ You know what this episode of game of thrones⇑
was missing…? definitely A big ol’ cat in my way.
#HousePetersonRemembers