For Want of a Bathroom: A Modern Fairytale Retelling with a New POV

A fun, playful modern fairy tale reinterpretation exploring the oft-ignored father in the Cinderella story and how he might have felt suddenly living with so many ladyfolk!


For Want of a Bathroom

The sun filtering in through dusty blinds confirms what the dogs next door were already telling the entire neighborhood: the day is officially beginning. Ugh! Every morning with those dogs and their barking.  From beneath my heavy wooden desk, Max looks up at me with wide-eyed disapproval.

“I know – They’re not good boys like you, are they?”

Sighing, I gently place my lukewarm cup of coffee on the wooden desk, trying to savor my last precious moments of calm before the storm. Soon, the house will erupt with clamor and clatter and racket as the girls spill down the stairs, each vying for attention, and, of course, highly coveted bathroom time.

If I hear just one more complaint about somebody stealing somebody else’s makeup or using up all the hot water, – I swear I’m going to shower first, then purposefully let the hot water run down the drain. The make-up can all go in the trash. They don’t need it anyway.

With a grimace, I close my eyes and massage my temples. One bathroom was plenty when it was just the two of us! I should have considered more closely the practicalities of adding three additional females to the family. There are bras everywhere! Each time I turn around, there’s another bra! It’s as if they’re multiplying! Just how many bras does a girl even need!?

Well, an adjustment period is natural for all of us, I suppose. But this house is simply overflowing with femininity.

Remembering the events of last night, my somber frown turns to a grin, and an appreciative snort. It really wasn’t funny, but the looks on my stepdaughters’ faces when Ella bluntly informed them of the purpose of a plunger – I tried to keep a straight face – I really did!

I guess today will include plunging lessons for Payton and Sloane. We should probably all sit down together to discuss bathroom-related chores and scheduling. I wonder if a chore chart would help? We probably still have those gold star stickers stuck in a drawer somewhere. But how to divvy up the responsibilities and duties? I can already hear the whines of “It’s not faaaaaaair!” sung in ringing discordance.

Even my beautiful new wife is not immune from the discontent – every morning, she laments not only the lack of an ‘appropriate’ master bathroom, but also the lack of space in our closet for her expensive designer clothes and her ever-expanding shoe collection. Every time I pull her into me, nuzzling her neck with, “Vivvy – you don’t need all that – you’re beautiful to me whatever you wear!” she just laughs and pushes me away “It’s Vivienne – you know I hate that silly nickname!”

This modest home is full to bursting! But today I’ve a surprise for my girls. All my girls. Each so precious and special in such different ways. I’ve been hard at work planning some additions to the house, and today is the day construction begins. I can’t wait to see their faces! Maybe today will be the first day of no bickering, no snark, and no eye-rolling! Okay that’s probably not that realistic. They are teenage girls. Honestly, even half the current amount of drama would be a miracle.

Expanding the second floor over the garage will not only allow for the addition of a private bathroom and larger closets in the master bedroom, but also – not one, but TWO extra bathrooms! Sure, one will be little more than the size of a closet, but each of my girls shall have a bathroom of her own!

I hear an increase in grumblings and irritable stomping from upstairs, and I gently roll up the blueprints, and prepare myself for the looming hurricane that is living with four women.

At my feet, Max perks up his ears at the crescendo of bickering voices that tumble and bounce down the stairs.

“At least you’re on my side, right buddy?” I ask, scratching his ears affectionately. “We fellas have to stick together.”

As the footsteps cascade into a thunder, and the tempest approaches, Max eyes me dubiously. With a stretch, and twitch of his tale, he scampers toward the door, and I am left alone to face the squall.

How To Get Sh*t Done When Your Cat Is Obsessed With You

How To Get SH*T Done When Your Cat Is Obsessed With You


YOU CAN’T.

But there are a few strategies you can try.


My cat, Brisco, is totally obsessed with me. He always wants to hang out. He’s constantly following me wherever I go. He never leaves me alone!

If he was a person, he would be a creepy stalker cutting my face out of photographs.

Well I guess I can never get up again…..
#1 fan in the Emerald Fan Club.

Can’t really blame him – I am pretty awesome.  But it does make it difficult to accomplish anything when he is always up in my bidness.

Things that DON’T work:

  • Attempting to reason with cat.
  • Politely asking cat to respect your alone time.
  • Informing cat you think you should see other people/cats.
  • Shouting , “God dammit, Brisco you little fucking fuck, stop trying to fucking kill!!”

A loverly compilation of Brisco preventing me from getting stuff done by trying to play board games, refusing to let me put on my shoes, generally just attacking or sitting on the things I need to use, and, of course, chilling in a tambourine (’cause no better place to chill).

So here are my strategies for tricking him into leaving me alone:

  • Multitasking
    • The main method to getting anything done with Brisco in the room is to always be multitasking and moving. That way, when he comes and gets comfortable on whatever project you’re currently working on, you just move on to the next project! Then you will have at least two minutes of uninterrupted time to work on THAT project before he decides you’re not coming back and comes to sit on the current project!
    • However, keep in mind that although it is a benefit to have the projects all near each other for your convenience, it also shortens the amount of time it will take Brisco to find you and attack your next project.
    • But I guess if they’re all far apart, you will also get a stellar workout!
  • Avoidance
    • Wait until said cat is napping or conspicuously absent to partake in his outdoor adventuring time, then go hard on getting as much done as possible before he returns to jump on your project OR your face OR both. Prioritize things that take up a lot of space, take a lot of focus or attention to detail, are delicate/fragile, or involve scissors, paper, or especially ribbons!
    • This presents its own set of hazards, especially if you get really into whatever you’re doing and tend to focus so hard you don’t pay attention to your surroundings and what is going on around you. For that is when he shall sneak attack pounce!!!!!! He does love demanding attention.
  • Diversion
    • This works best for fairly simple or short-term tasks.
    • Distract with:
      • Food. If he hasn’t eaten a thousand times today. This will be extremely effective in obtaining your alone time, but only for exactly as long as it takes your cat to finish eating.
      • Toys. This is most helpful for things where you still have an available hand to use the laser pointer/ribbon/whatever cat toy works best. Great for getting your cat away from the television, the food you’re eating, your book, etc.
  • Negative Reinforcement – last resort
    • Spray bottles (in cases of emergency) are reliable deterrents.
    • I don’t like using the spray bottle too often because he is actually incredibly scared of it and I don’t want to punish him for loving me. 😉  He’s a cat.  He’s never going to stop cat-ing.  Also, he startles easily, and that combined with the fact that water is water sometimes results in disarray and chaos, especially if the project is involved or intricate in some way.

It really would be quite flattering if it wasn’t so annoying and inconvenient. So I try to focus on the gratefulness and minimize the grrrr arrgghh. He is pretty cute I guess….

#BFFs #CuddleBuddies #TotesAdorbs

I guess the benefits mostly outweigh the drawbacks…… (both of which you can read in this other post I wrote!

Pets: Joy VS Burden

⇑ You know what this episode of game of thrones
was missing…? definitely A big ol’ cat in my way.

#HousePetersonRemembers

I’m Excited To Do Homework? School Can Be Fun!

Well, I DID IT!!!  

I completed the first class of my graduate certificate program in Children’s Literature!!!

It was called “The Art of the Picturebook,” and I never knew that school could be so interesting and fun!!  I’ve enjoyed some classes throughout my college career, but none so much as this! I was actually excited to do homework! WHUUUUT!?? weird…  I never really felt like I fit in in any of the other classes or programs I took in the past.  I guess I just needed to find the right program.  And books have always been important to me.  And now I can explore that further! Yaaaaayyyy!!!

http://www.worldcampus.psu.edu/degrees-and-certificates/childrens-literature-certificate/overview

This is how I feel about this program!