Daylio is the name of a free habit-tracking app that I find really helpful.
Every day you do your daily check-in, you customize activities and then check them off if you do them that day. Easy as that.
The best part is that the app generates statistics based on your entries. You can look at different activities and moods on a calendar, a chart, and more! ooohhhhhh color-coordination! Such fun!
My best best-day streak yet!
You can see which days you are most consistently happy, and which days you are more often sad (probably Mondays, amirite!?) Weirdly for September so far I seem to be saddest on the weekends?
In addition, you can look at data about how your mood correlates to the activities you do. For example, you may discover that on bad days, you frequently eat junk food. Of course, who knows if you’re eating junk food because you’re feeling bad or if you’re feeling bad because you’re eating junk food? It’s correlation, not causation.
heeeyyyy – I am happy on days I write! Or I write on days I’m happy! whatevs….ooOOooo look how much I meditate! I am fancy!
With this super fun app, you can work on improving good habits, eliminating bad habits, and becoming more aware of how your activities affect your mood and vice versa. Huzzah!
and now I can check my little ‘writing’ bubble AND my ‘blog’ bubble for today!
Music can be a great source of comfort and inspiration when you’re feeling down.
Today’s song is: “Going Through the Motions” from Once More With Feeling, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode.
Listen to the song here:
Lyrics:
“Every single night, the same arrangement,
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
I’ve been making shows of trading blows,
Just hoping no one knows,
That I’ve been going through the motions,
Walking though the part,
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.
I was always brave and kind of righteous,
Now I find I’m wavering.
Crawl out of your grave, you find this fight
Just doesn’t mean a thing
(Henchman) She ain’t got that swing.
(Buffy) -pause- Thanks for noticing.
(Demon & Henchmen) She is pretty well with fiends from Hell
But lately we can tell
That she’s just going through the motions
Faking it somehow.
(Demon) She’s not even half the girl she…owww!
(Buffy) Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life’s endeavor?
(Handsome Young Man) How can I repay…?
(Buffy) Whatever!
I don’t want to be
Going through the motions,
Losing all my drive.
I can’t even see,
If this is really me,
And I just wanna be alive.”
Why this song’s so cool: At this point in Buffy’s story line, Buffy is really struggling to readjust to ‘normalcy,’ cause… you know… she DIED. Also, when she was dead, she was in some version of heaven. Her friends brought her back to life because they thought she was trapped in a horrible hell dimension, but in all actuality, she was safe and at peace. It’s just a very fun song that packs an emotional punch. It’s a great way to visualize the feelings of depression as something more tangible, even if it is fantasy-based.
Why this song’s helpful: Buffy’s feelings are so applicable to someone struggling with depression.
Season six is probably Buffy’s darkest season. And this makes her especially relevant for those struggling with depression. Buffy doesn’t enjoy the things she used to, she struggles accomplishing basic, everyday tasks, no one understands why she is so sad and changed and her friends want her to just get over it already. She feels lost, alone, guilty, worthless, helpless, empty, directionless: THESE ARE LITERALLY SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION. She doesn’t know who she is anymore, and that is what depression feels like.
Music can be a great source of comfort and inspiration when you’re feeling down.
Today’s song is: “The Fighter” by Gym Class Heroes
Listen to the song here:
Lyrics:
“Just waking up in the morning
And the be well
Quite honest with ya,
I ain’t really sleep well
Ya ever feel like your train of thought’s been derailed?
That’s when you press on Lee nails
Half the population’s just waitin’ to see me fail
Yeah right, you’re better off trying to freeze hell
Some of us do it for the females
And others do it for the retails
But I do it for the kids, life through the tower head on
Every time you fall it’s only making your chin strong
And I be in the corner like mick, baby, til the end
Or when you hear this song from that big lady
Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do y’all?
Give ’em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life till we’re dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then just say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me
Say to me, this one’s a fighter
And if I can last thirty rounds
There’s no reason you should ever have your head down
Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds
Hailing from rock bottom, Loserville, nothing town
Textbook version of the kid going nowhere fast
And now I’m yelling kiss my a**
It’s gonna take a couple right hooks, a few left jabs
For you to recognize that you really ain’t got it bad
Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do y’all?
Give ’em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life til we’re dead
Give me scars, give me pain
Then just say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me
Say to me, this one’s a fighter
Everybody put yo hands up
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
Y’all
If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get up)
And when your bones can’t take no more
Just remember what you’re here for
‘Cause I know I’ma damn sure
Give ’em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life till we’re dead
Give me scars, give me pain
Then just say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me
Say to me, this one’s a fighter
Till the referee rings the bell
Till both ya eyes start to swell
Till the crowd goes home
What we gonna do kid?”
Why this song’s so cool: Catchy and fun to sing along with in any mood, the only part that bothers me is the lyric “And if I can last thirty rounds, there’s no reason you should ever have your head down.” I get that it’s supposed to be inspirational, but the reality is that everybody’s battle is different and we are all fighting different things. Just because one person can win a fight against something doesn’t mean another person can do the same – because every situation is different. Just because I can do one thing, doesn’t mean that you are not a fighter if you can’t do something similar . . . or even something different.
Why this song’s helpful: A great reminder to keep fighting. And just a great conceptual idea to think about especially if you are battling something not visible or physical. Picturing depression as something you can physically punch in the face can help you take steps towards beating it. It’s a visualization tool and can be a helpful method when dealing with whatever you may be struggling with. Just because you can’t see a struggle doesn’t mean that it’s not there – and overlaying a more visible aspect can enable you to find your fighter’s strength and realize that your fight matters.
Music can be a great source of comfort and inspiration when you’re feeling down.
Today’s song is: “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World
Listen to the song here:
Lyrics:
“Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.
Hey, you know they’re all the same.
You know you’re doing better on your own (on your own), so don’t buy in.
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough (good enough) for someone else.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet.
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best (just do your best), do everything you can (do everything you can).
And don’t you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright.”
Why this song’s so cool: I like how it gently reminds you that often what you are feeling is about your own perception. You can’t control what other people do or think about you, but you can control what you do and think about yourself, and that is what is more important anyway. It’s about having a positive attitude, but not only that, just hanging on until you get to the point where you CAN have a positive attitude, because that day WILL come. Also, it’s totally okay to be different! Plus it’s got a good beat that is fun to head-bang and angry-sing to.
Why this song’s helpful: It has a simple, supportive and encouraging message that is easy to relate to. It reminds me of that strategy when you’re freaking out about something and you do the five year rule gauge to ask yourself: “Will it matter in 5 years?” If the answer is NO, and it usually is, then it’s probably not as important as you thought.
“Fol-de-rol and fiddle dee dee and fiddley faddley foddle
all the wishes in the world are poppy cock and twoddle.
Fol-de-rol and fiddle dee dee and fiddley faddley foodle
all the dreamers in the world are dizzy in the noodle.”
This is what the sensible people of the world say, according to Cinderella’s fairy godmother in the Rodger’s and Hammerstein’s musical in a song they sing together about Cinderella’s wish to go to the ball. But together, they discover by the end of the song, that “impossible” can be changed to “it’s possible” with creativity, imagination, hard work, and someone who loves you to help. Like Cinderella and her fairy godmother, I am learning and exploring how to grant my own wish of forging a career doing what I love: writing, being creative, and helping others. I don’t yet know what that career will be exactly, but every day I am making choices to steer myself down the path to get there. And I plan to use every tool and asset I have to help shape my wish out of the supplies I have. And with a little help, and a little magic, I know I will get to the ball!
SUMMARY:
Turning the impossible to the possible is a process – one that requires many things. It requires creativity and imagination. Every day, I am thinking and brainstorming, searching for different ways to achieve my goals. I am on the lookout for new opportunities to embrace that will keep me moving forward, eyes focused on the path ahead. It requires commitment, dedication and hard work. Sometimes the path is thorny, or blocked by a tree. I continue to apply my imagination to identify creative and efficient solutions to remove such obstacles. It requires bravery, and it requires stepping out of your comfort zone. There is a certain degree of anxiety about the uncertainty of where the path leads, but you can’t turn back. It also requires help and support. Not all of us have a fairy godmother to turn our everyday objects into the perfect materials to achieve our dreams. But we do have people who love us. Asking for help is scary and hard, but it is something I plan on practicing. Most of all, it requires hope, and I plan on keeping that hope alive, nurturing it, and seeing it bloom and grow into something even more beautiful.
“But the world is full of zanies and fools who don’t believe in sensible rules
and won’t believe what sensible people say..
and because these daft and dewey eyed dopes keep building up impossible
hopes impossible things are happening every day!”
Especially about very personal things … crazy hard for a lot of people (including me.) But, I’ve seen my counselor for many years. Even when I didn’t feel like it was helping, it helped a little by making me feel like at least I was doing SOMETHING. It’s very helpful to get the perspective of someone outside the immediate situation. And explaining details about your life and experiences and feelings helps you solidify and understand yourself more. And it gets you out of the house at least once a week.
I didn’t know his name. But he knew mine. It was written in clear, bold letters on the hard, plastic nametag that adorned my green apron.
He knew my name, but he wanted to change it.
“Isn’t Emerald a boy’s name?” he asked.
I was used to strange reactions to my rare and somewhat unusual name, so I laughed. I didn’t choose my name, but I’ve learned to love it.
“No,” I replied, with a puzzled grin, only a little uncomfortably. Did he think I was a boy? My uniform was standardized regardless of gender, and my visor concealed most of my long hair, but I didn’t think I looked like a boy. Did I? My confusion bubbled up exponentially. Why would he ask that? What an odd thing to ask. I’m a girl. My name is Emerald. Emerald is a girl’s name.
I pushed aside my uneasiness and continued to assist him with a friendly smile.
I thought that was the end of it, but then he came to his unpleasant conclusion.
He told me he would call me “Emmy” instead. He didn’t ask. He told.
“No,” I replied, still polite, but somewhat taken aback. Only those select few people very close to me called me by a nickname. To hear those private syllables directed to me by a complete stranger was strange and jarring. It felt wrong. I was confused. I felt that my personal rights had been infringed upon. Surely he understood that a nickname is a sign of familiarity, of intimacy. I had never even seen this man before and he expected to be allowed to bastardize my name? To reduce and minimize it, and therefore me, to fit his own personal inclination. He didn’t have that right, did he?
Brashly, he nodded. “I’m going to call you Emmy,” he reiterated, regardless of my gentle protestation.
Had he not heard me? I had said no. I didn’t want him to call me Emmy. He was old, maybe he had bad hearing? I stayed firm.
“I would really prefer you didn’t. My name is Emerald.” I was still smiling, albeit more hesitantly, but inside I felt violated. Customer service policy as well as common courtesy required that I treat this man with respect and kindness, so I did. He followed no rules, written or socially implied. No one required that he treat me with the same respect and kindness.
The truth was that it should have been my decision. It is my decision. He was rude and he was wrong to insist on calling me a name that I didn’t feel comfortable with. I could have insisted on calling him a name he wasn’t comfortable with. Inconsiderate jerk, maybe? Or stupidhead mcfartface? How would he have felt then? Instead, I told him, I didn’t ask him, again not to call me Emmy, finished helping him, and he complained about me to my manager. He complained because I wasn’t okay with him disregarding my feelings and making me uncomfortable.
I didn’t know his name. But I knew him. And I know I will meet him again in some other incarnation. But I also know that I was right. I am right. It isn’t okay for anyone to call you a name you are not comfortable with. And some things are more important than following a grocery store code of conduct.
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My program doesn’t focus on performance, but should that appeal to you, this program is a great foundation for high achievement. In addition, I can provide you with the basis to continue your own, personalized training program. I simply build on what you are already doing.
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Although I may not be technically certified in the most typical way, and I only currently have one client, I am extremely experienced. Right now, I’m both the trainer and the trainee. Every day I perform innumerable complex exercises to train the most important muscle: my brain.
Yet another random assignment for my writing class.
Spoiler – it’s about… ***rubber bands!***:
such fun.
I’m searching for something. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know where I’ll find it. I don’t even know how to find it. I just don’t know. Sometimes I will unconsciously go to the junk drawer when I’m looking for anything at all. I’m looking for a book that won’t even fit in the drawer, yet I still gravitate toward the drawer. I’m looking for my cat. How would he even get in there? Something inside the drawer is calling me to reevaluate and redefine my quest. I am hesitant to open the drawer itself. Is it worth it? What if what I think I want or need isn’t even in there? But I discard my hesitation and pull open the drawer – sometimes with ease, sometimes with a struggle, sometimes carefully, and sometimes in a hurry.
Inside, the drawer is a refuge. It’s a treasure chest of haphazard miscellany. It’s a delightfully unexpected estate sale bargain you happen upon randomly one late Sunday afternoon. Despite all of these, there is one consistency.
I can always find a rubber band in there.
Sometimes the rubber band is buried beneath an assorted plethora of other small and seemingly helpful, yet ultimately insignificant objects. Sometimes it’s caught in the corner and stubbornly refuses to even consider coming to my aid. And sometimes it’s right on top – front and center and eager to spring to assistance. I swear they’re inside stretching and shoving and jumping and rearranging themselves whenever the drawer is abandoned and shut up tight.
Sometimes the rubber band is new and springy, full of excited exuberance. Sometimes it’s old and brittle and reluctant to leave the comfortable sameness of the drawer. And most often, the rubber band is somewhere between these two extremes. Thin, but resilient and durable. Or thick and tough, but somewhat lacking in its supple elasticity.
Their appearance is rarely a direct reflection of their usefulness, but then appearances rarely are. Big, thick rubber bands have their uses. So do tiny, slender ones. And every combination in between has the potential to facilitate some sort of discovery or creative solution. Despite their visible stains, or the fact that they have already been used tenfold, they endure in their obliging and practical support. If I select the wrong one for the task at hand, they will quickly let me know. And there is always a backup rubber band – a patiently waiting friend ready to help me try again or look at my problem from a different perspective.
I don’t know how they get in there. I can never distinctly remember putting a rubber band in the drawer. They just appear. They seem to know that I will need them someday. I will need their versatile durability and their flexible strength. I will need their constancy and keen enthusiasm. I will need a rubber band.
You never know when you’ll need them, but they’re always there. Watching and waiting- inconspicuous in the dark, yet consistently inspiring in their own, faithful and uncomplaining way.
Daylio is the name of a free habit-tracking app that I find really helpful.
