For Want of a Bathroom: A Modern Fairytale Retelling with a New POV

A fun, playful modern fairy tale reinterpretation exploring the oft-ignored father in the Cinderella story and how he might have felt suddenly living with so many ladyfolk!


For Want of a Bathroom

The sun filtering in through dusty blinds confirms what the dogs next door were already telling the entire neighborhood: the day is officially beginning. Ugh! Every morning with those dogs and their barking.  From beneath my heavy wooden desk, Max looks up at me with wide-eyed disapproval.

“I know – They’re not good boys like you, are they?”

Sighing, I gently place my lukewarm cup of coffee on the wooden desk, trying to savor my last precious moments of calm before the storm. Soon, the house will erupt with clamor and clatter and racket as the girls spill down the stairs, each vying for attention, and, of course, highly coveted bathroom time.

If I hear just one more complaint about somebody stealing somebody else’s makeup or using up all the hot water, – I swear I’m going to shower first, then purposefully let the hot water run down the drain. The make-up can all go in the trash. They don’t need it anyway.

With a grimace, I close my eyes and massage my temples. One bathroom was plenty when it was just the two of us! I should have considered more closely the practicalities of adding three additional females to the family. There are bras everywhere! Each time I turn around, there’s another bra! It’s as if they’re multiplying! Just how many bras does a girl even need!?

Well, an adjustment period is natural for all of us, I suppose. But this house is simply overflowing with femininity.

Remembering the events of last night, my somber frown turns to a grin, and an appreciative snort. It really wasn’t funny, but the looks on my stepdaughters’ faces when Ella bluntly informed them of the purpose of a plunger – I tried to keep a straight face – I really did!

I guess today will include plunging lessons for Payton and Sloane. We should probably all sit down together to discuss bathroom-related chores and scheduling. I wonder if a chore chart would help? We probably still have those gold star stickers stuck in a drawer somewhere. But how to divvy up the responsibilities and duties? I can already hear the whines of “It’s not faaaaaaair!” sung in ringing discordance.

Even my beautiful new wife is not immune from the discontent – every morning, she laments not only the lack of an ‘appropriate’ master bathroom, but also the lack of space in our closet for her expensive designer clothes and her ever-expanding shoe collection. Every time I pull her into me, nuzzling her neck with, “Vivvy – you don’t need all that – you’re beautiful to me whatever you wear!” she just laughs and pushes me away “It’s Vivienne – you know I hate that silly nickname!”

This modest home is full to bursting! But today I’ve a surprise for my girls. All my girls. Each so precious and special in such different ways. I’ve been hard at work planning some additions to the house, and today is the day construction begins. I can’t wait to see their faces! Maybe today will be the first day of no bickering, no snark, and no eye-rolling! Okay that’s probably not that realistic. They are teenage girls. Honestly, even half the current amount of drama would be a miracle.

Expanding the second floor over the garage will not only allow for the addition of a private bathroom and larger closets in the master bedroom, but also – not one, but TWO extra bathrooms! Sure, one will be little more than the size of a closet, but each of my girls shall have a bathroom of her own!

I hear an increase in grumblings and irritable stomping from upstairs, and I gently roll up the blueprints, and prepare myself for the looming hurricane that is living with four women.

At my feet, Max perks up his ears at the crescendo of bickering voices that tumble and bounce down the stairs.

“At least you’re on my side, right buddy?” I ask, scratching his ears affectionately. “We fellas have to stick together.”

As the footsteps cascade into a thunder, and the tempest approaches, Max eyes me dubiously. With a stretch, and twitch of his tale, he scampers toward the door, and I am left alone to face the squall.

Pets: Joy VS Burden

You know what apparently helps people with depression and anxiety?

Having a cat. Or dog, or hamster, or whatever.  Something you can cuddle preferably, that is reliant on you, loves you unconditionally, and you think is totes adorbs.

Therapy animals are real, people.  This is the reason I adopted my cat, Brisco (Yes, he is named for Brisco County, Jr.) This is a tough one though, because there is definitely a balance that needs to be struck.  Ultimately, Brisco does help more than he hinders, but there have definitely been times when I wished I didn’t have him.  As with any creature, he can be annoying, persistent, in the way, etc.

derp

He meows at doors at night, knocks things over, gets in the way, tries to trip you, randomly jumps on your face, tries to eat your toes, attacks anything that moves, scratches you up, and will not let you read in peace!  OMG RIGHT NOW he thinks a great place to sit is directly in front of this computer screen!  So in the darkest time, sometimes a pet can be a definite added stressor and source of frustration/annoyance/helplessness.  That said, I am so grateful to have him in my life.  As I gain back more and more positivity, little by little, I see and feel the benefits.  He’s a non-judgmental listener.  He’s a distraction from my problems.  He is obsessed with me and always wants to be with me.  That’s pretty flattering and good for self-esteem.

 


6 Ways Pets Relieve Depression:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/05/19/6-ways-pets-relieve-depression/
Pets for Depression and Health:
http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/pets-depression#1
Depression, Anxiety and Pets
https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-anxiety-and-pets/
Awwww who can resist dat face… <3